You ever had that feeling on your youthful days where you always felt confused about the signals that a certain person was giving you? Mixed signals that you couldn’t seem to figure out or it could be, it was already obvious but you just didn’t want to accept it. When you just allowed yourself to be fooled over and over just so you didn’t wanna lose sight of him/her.
It’s tragic that there’s always a chance to be fooled, although it won’t happen if you don’t let it, it’s just that the love for the person weakens your resistance making you give in.
It is easy to say “leave if you’re not treated right”, it’s the wisest thing to do, but finding the broken line of a cycle for you to get out is always a challenge. You might have already noticed the broken line to exit but it all ends up with you, whether to decide to leave even if it’s obviously there or decide to stay even if it’s already tearing you into pieces.
It was when I felt so soulless on my 17th birthday for we had a fight
And he came and sang a birthday song, and illuminated up my lonely night.
It was when he made me feel special, and I received him like he was my present
But only left me again without him being hesitant.
It was when he hugged and cried in front of me
When we were about to leave what we had built.
It was when he stared at my eyes
But only to say “I love you, Goodbye”.
It was when he gave me a love story with a great happy ending,
But an ending of my happy days and the start of collecting broken things.
It was when he showed me the bliss of dreams I never had in my life
And left me in a nightmare, painted with black and white.
It was when he held my hands when I was hurting,
But only to let me go after a minute of staying.
It was when he embraced me in front of a mirror
And it wouldn't happen if I didn't steal his time from his new girl.
It was when he texted me and called me ‘baby’
But only to ask for some pieces of advice about his new relationship.
It was when I saw him coming my way with a charismatic smile,
Only to realize it was just a friendly greeting when he passed by my side.
It was when he did the lover's carry
But the truth was, he didn't love me and only dropped false hopes on me.
It was when he treated me like his own
But the truth was, I was only his pastime when he got bored.
It was when my 18th birthday came and I had him at my side
And it wouldn't happen if I didn't try to grab him and steal his time.
It was when he invited me to come over to his birthday,
Only to find out, the girl he chose to replace my part was also there.
Within the two years, I couldn’t move on because I always allowed him to ruin it. He kept barging in, giving me false hopes. He kept coming back to destroy the walls that I had to build just so I could put up a boundary between us. But what a fool was I to let him do what he was good at. I knew I had to escape the cycle, I had plenty of reasons to forget this person but when the heart speaks, it’s unstoppable.